Pleasing everybody is impossible. What pleases you?
Do you also sometimes feel like you are living somebody else's life?
- On the surface, everything appears smooth, with no signs of deception, or troubles.
- But just beneath, there might as well be a tropical storm building up. One only you can see coming - while everybody else seems to go on with their business as usual. All oblivious to it.
But why are we there in the first place, acting the part? Is it the pressure of living up to all those “caring” people’s highest expectations for us - ever-present like flashy decorations around Christmas? Is it the blinding desire to be pleasing? Accepted? Loved? All of the above?
The truth I found for myself is simple:
It is easier to fill somebody else's shoes (and wishes!) than to be self-fulfilled - Finding out who we are on our own time, place, and terms.
Breaking free is hard, but straightforward. Because finding peace within yourself is the _only_ way.
Forget “wishes” - Follow your curiosity. What makes you curious?
I know.
- Finding out “what you wish” often feels slippery. Wishes change, as you do. And can be bargained. Or worst, over-idealized - till they are put to the test.
- And do yourself a favour: Don’t even get started in the “find your own passion” hype. Embarking that way is only deemed to make you miserable.
- Because either you have a passion already, which by definition is something that has taken over your “rationality” and that, as such, you are already “passionately” following.
- Or you haven’t been able to single out your “one” passion (maybe because you have many interests and none of them takes forcibly precedence above the others), and keeping on coming back to this is just going to make you more frustrated.
I have been there more often than I care to admit, and believe me: you can make much better use of your energy. One of the most precious (and limited!) resources you have.
Smile - And the world will smile back at you. What makes you smile?
So, instead of getting lured into impossible quests, just ask yourself this one very simple question:
- What makes _you_ (Not your mum, your dad, your partner… and stop fussing about your boss, would you? - Just You) smile?
That is _your_ way to finding peace. Joy. And inner fulfillment.
See, we are often conditionally mistaken into thinking that, in order to find our own “purpose” (whatever that is supposed to mean - another dangerously slippery dogma!), we need to look for “what the world needs”. And selflessly pledge our life to that.
But why be so eager to put our own “self”, our own special individuality, out of the equation? After all, there better be a good reason we are all made a certain way, with different characters, strengths, and weaknesses, don’t you think? Why bother otherwise? We might just as well (and way more easily) be all clones.
We are much better served by taking our own character (flaws and all!), into full account. No need to hide. Play “all in” with that!
I found this quote from Howard Thurman to be most delightfully fitting:
Don't ask yourself what _the world_ needs.
Ask what makes _you_ come alive and go do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive
Yes, think about what makes you come alive - it does not even need to be a full-fledged, all domineering “passion”. It might as well be something small, anything that awakes your curiosity. Or, going back to the roots of it:
What makes you smile?
Because with all these “serious talks” about need, honor and duty, we risk ending up overlooking the “playful”, the beauty and the wonder just around us. And that is what most inherently, by tickling our inspiration - rather than an overwhelming sense of responsibility to carry like a cross upon our bare shoulders - is what is truly “uplifting”.
Happiness does not come from fulfilling an obligation. Happiness comes from being and feeling fulfilled. Just as we are. Yes, with flaws and all!
So, why not embrace yourself, by making the best of it?
Wishing to be somebody’s else is a terrible waste of the person You are.