How my dream that “one day I shall take a sabbatical” finally became “the day I took a (sort of) sabbatical” (Part I)

Make time your daydreams into your agenda - and have that call!

As anticipated in the previous Rule, I shall now elaborate on the details of how this “sort of sabbatical” came to be. So, here comes my little story within the bigger story. In fact, the moment in which events were finally put into motion, started rather inconspicuously. In retrospect, it all feels like a very slow motion from there to now. And yet, so many things have happened - many of which completely unexpected.

After years of fantasizing, planning - covertly, at first, and then overtly, and telling a selected handful of worthy listeners (or readers for that matter, as you very well know!) about my big dream of taking a sabbatical “one day” - here is how the “one day” finally became “the day”. The day it all started. Not just in my head, but for real.

What was at first something I indulged only in the privacy of my daydreams - mostly while cloud-gazing, and projecting myself to a far, far away reality, in between busy bits of normal life - eventually became my own actionable agenda, as crisp and clear as a cloudless, blue summer sky.

It was indeed during one of those so propitious crystal clear days, that I finally summoned my resolve and brought this up to my manager and then (as office bureaucracy - with its unshakable deference to not committing to anything beyond “proforma well-wishes” - obliges) to my own manager’s manager. As he will be a “crucial” (as well as excruciating!) character, for the benefit of this story, let’s call him Mr. MM (as for Mr. Manager’s Manager).

So, it was like that, vested in the shiny armor of my best behavior and with my (freshly honed!) negotiation ammunitions, that, while at the phone with Mr. MM, I soon realized I might have as well been talking to a wall all along. I did my best not to show that I was heartbroken. After all, I had good hope with Mr. MM. Until then, I had the greatest admiration for his empathic strength.

A hopeful start: Holding onto encouraging premises from a brilliant first impression

I fondly remember my first in-person meeting with him, shortly after joining our organization as new general counsel, years before, in which he proudly emphasized how he aimed to be there not just for the “good times”, where everything goes well and things are always easy, but also for the “bad times”, where facing personal or professional challenges the individuals need the support and understanding that eventually make a “real difference”.

Well, here I was, after several “happy good years” with the company, now facing my biggest personal challenge: I wanted my life to be more than just about work. And after accepting that my family might not grow beyond my husband and myself - based on the “grim” medical statistics laid down during my first (and last!) inquiring visit in an “assisted-reproduction-clinic” for couples above their 40s still imagining having a child (basically my husband and I were unceremoniously told that our chances of winning a lottery - or (if one shall rather lean on the “dramatic side”) being struck by a thunderstorm - were higher!) - it became clear to me that I needed a sabbatical, some longer (obviously unpaid) personal time off from work for self-exploration and growth. 

My weighted options ranged wildly, from a carefree time to travel and surf around the world, to volunteering in an animal shelter, or - in my most engaging visions - being a teacher in an orphanage, and maybe - why not - looking for chances of adopting a baby myself. 

Whatever that might turn out to be, one thing was sure: I needed to go “off the trail”, beyond the marked road, to be on the search for my own personal treasure. I did not want one day to look back at my life and realize that, except for routine (even when also greatly enjoyable!) vacations, I have always been working, or fleetingly just between works (and, before that, between studies, or study and work), always on the “trail of duty”, with no other greater personal “legacy” or project bigger than myself to leave amark.

The “Regret-Minimization-Theory”

I (and I heard the much richer Amazon’s founder, Mr. Jeff Bezos, too) call this the “Regret-Minimization-Theory”. A central idea of it is that life should be fulfilling on its own, for us as individuals, and not only for the sake of duties and other productive contributions for our society. 

Aren’t we called human “beings”, not human “doers”, for a reason? 

And the key question is: 

Looking back at your life, given your options at any moment in time, what is the way you shall have less regrets?  

For me, looking back at that much-awaited call with Mr. MM, given the options between:

1. Going on with “business as usual” or;
2. Taking a longer break, the sabbatical was beyond any doubt the “fulfilling” way - the only way to keep my inner light shining, and my spirits high.

Of course, the call for me was also a “courtesy”. I might still resign and go ahead with my sabbatical adventure anyway. But I imagine that, as in any healthy relationship, being it personal or professional, remaining open and giving it a chance, if available, rather than ending everything, is a much better (and, if being mature about it, usually, mutually beneficial) option. After all, going through the hassle of looking for a new job (for me), and the time and energy for first finding, and then training, a new, hopefully fitting recruitee (for the company) would seem like a much less attractive alternative.

The turning point: False old hopes, crumbling down. And real new allies, rising up to the rescue

So it was much to my consternation, and more and more so as my call with Mr. MM carried on, to realize that - during all those years, since that first, so very treasured impression from our introductory meeting - I had been holding on to an empty shell. The person I was speaking to now, on the other side of the line, could not have been further away from the sincerely caring, almost fatherly Mr. MM who existed only in my cherished memories. 

As I opened my heart to him confiding my greatest personal struggle, to my dismay, all he finally came up with for me was that NO, he could not “afford” letting me go, not even for a few months (my shortest plead, from the one year I wished for, eventually was for four to six months). Recruiting a replacement for the time I would have been gone would have been too expensive. After all, he offered as a way of explanation, he was “running a business”. 

So, what about caring for its people - those at the core of producing that “business”? What about his so proudly proclaimed first mission to be there to give strength and support to its team when most needed? And, I could not waive the glaring thought from my mind, what about if I were to be blessed with a baby after all, and be on maternity leave - like, for instance, more than half of its team in India, consisting of younger female employees, against the background of a system proudly centered around traditional family values?

I went so far to offer that, because it was very unlikely (or, as the doctors would put it, a “statistical singularity against our odds”) for my husband and I to have a baby, a short sabbatical for me would have been a (very much needed - in fact, vital!) surrogate for any maternity leave, after having spent way more years in the company than the vast majority of our legal team - himself and even my own manager both included!

Nothing. Zero movements for concession. No blessing for even the shortest and shyest sabbatical for me. I had to bury my much cherished old memory of Mr. MM. once and for all - together with my hope of reconciling my current wellbeing with my work with the company. RIP for both. 

I had a few affairs to put in order first, but then it was clear. I had no choice left but to resign. Or so I thought.

A new unexpected twist in the story - To be continued…

I did not know I had the most powerful, almighty ally on my side then. My ally revealed her presence in its own time, as further events progressed and took an unexpected turn. 

Indeed your friends might turn into foes, and you never saw it coming. But, in the same twist, an invisible, much more powerful ally might already be standing at your side.

There is a popular say: 

Be careful of what you wish for.
Because you might get it.

But what I need to add before this story continues is also, shall other confide in you: 

Be careful of which wishes you grant - and which not.
Because that might come back to bite you.

So, before indeed turning the page, please allow me to introduce you to a powerful, even though often invisible companion: