The power of kindness

Being “kind” might seem counterintuitive in a chapter dedicated to successfully facing “challenges”. After all, in our individualistic culture, competition sets us all against each other. And the podium apparently has only one place for one winner. So it would seem that adopting a “competitive” mindset and being a bit “aggressive” is the way to go. If at all, being kind is left as an afterthought, for when the heat of the challenge is over, and ideally, you came out on top. 

Beware though! Discounting being kind as an ancillary /“nice to have”, rather than a key / “must have” requirement when setting for a challenge is a common, but highly misleading mistake. One that can come back to bite you. 

Cultivating kindness - not just as a by-product, but as a tenet when striving towards any “personal advancement” - is likely to make the whole difference between who really wins and who loses on the podium of life.

If the notion of kindness as the key to being a winner still seems too far-fetched, or even a “revolutionary” idea to you, let me share one of my favorite childhood stories - One that I find very telling here: The story of the sun and the wind competing for the farmer’s hat.

Once upon a time, there was a lonely farmer working in his field. Every day the sun and the wind would look over him slowly going about his business, from dawn to dusk. As a diversion one day, to pass the time, the sun and the wind decided to challenge each other: the one that will be the first to have the farmer pulling his hat off would be the winner. 

The wind, eager to begin, went ahead and blew with all its force over the farmer. To no avail. With every mighty gust, the farmer only kept a tighter grip to keep his hat. The wind eventually gave up, in exasperation. 

The sun was next, and all it did was simply shine, as magnificent and hot as ever. The farmer started to feel warmer and warmer. Finally, unable to withstand the heat, he took off his own hat to wipe the sweat from his forehead. The sun had won.

Being kind is always repaid “in kind”

If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Imagine having an accident - It does not even need to be that dramatic. We all meet bumps on the way that might shuffle us. Like when somebody does not respect a road sign and collides with you, leaving a little dent in your car. The damage is done. That is a fact and there is nothing changing that. But your reaction is likely to be very different depending on how the other driver approaches you. Somebody who comes screaming or pointing a finger at you (for many people, unfortunately, the more the shame, the more the anger) as opposed to somebody who checks first how you are doing, and openly apologizes to you, will surely elicit opposite reactions as well. 

In both scenarios, you are facing the same damage (the dent on your car) - But the way you feel about it, and the way you react (on a scale between “rage”, on the one side, and total “forgiveness”, on the other - with nuances such as “understanding” and “cooperation” in the middle) can very much depend on how “kindly” you are treated. 

Soon after taking my driving license, I hit another car while coming out of the parking place of my gym. Luckily we were both driving slowly, so the damage was a light one - literally as well: I shuttered the light of the other car. 

Fitting my lack of experience on the subject (both about driving and about car parts that could be broken), I came out in shock and immediately went to ask the other driver (a man in his fifties) whether he was okay (except the missing light and my shock at having hit him, we both were). 

I told him I just got my driving license and I was very, very sorry - also at having to tell this to my mum, given that I was driving her car. I think the latter remark bemused him. Eventually, he offered to call my mum himself and have this settled without necessarily involving the insurance. 

Fortunately, that was my one and only car accident, but witnessing others, I can fully appreciate how kindness - rather than aggressive confrontation - is beyond question always the best response.

Ahimsa. Non violence... 

Even though our confrontational culture has “alienated” kindness as something reserved for when everything is good - more as a matter of “courtesy or good manners” (somebody hold a door for you, you say “thank you”) and less as a disposition of “heart” - there is much more that remains buried underneath. 

Beyond adopted social and formal behaviors, or further self-serving conforming purposes, there is a whole wealth to being kind in and for itself. Because the real treasure of kindness lies beneath the surface.

In yoga philosophy, there is a word that enshrines it all: Ahimsa. 

Literally translated from Sanskrit, it means “non-violence”, and it has been adopted by yogi masters and countless practitioners worldwide as one of the key “Yamas” (purifying, sacred practices codified and maintained till today from the dawn of time) on the path towards self-awareness and, ultimately, enlightenment. 

Proving, again and again, its power over the glamor of passing trends:

The practice of “Ahimsa”, as an expression of non-violence, is mirrored by its positive affirmation: Kindness. In all its forms.

In yoga, or any sort of practice really, adopting “Ahimsa” (non-violence / kindness) also means not to “force” your way to a particular goal without due regard to yourself. 

Pretzeling into a deep stretching or any challenging pose regardless of a physical “pain” (which - beware - is something else than mere “discomfort”) is not going to help much. In fact, if practiced recklessly, it might result in more “harm” than “good”. No amount of newfound flexibility is worth much over an injury.

And, even when escaping injuries, one of my yoga teachers once cautioned us to be “gentle” with ourselves. Managing a challenging posture (say, head-stand) just for the sake of it, ultimately (that is, after that short fleeting moment of “triumph” has ebbed) is not going to change anything about the way one feels. It is still you, just in another position!

…And (also) Self-Love.

In fact, while non-violence is typically transposed on how you treat _others_, don’t forget this: it also applies to _yourself_. 

Self-Love is one of the most overlooked spill-outs of Ahimsa. 

Whenever I am beating myself off if things do not go as I “wished”, and whenever I let my own “limiting beliefs” steal the stage, I am not doing justice to myself, and my own capacity for “kindness” - Ending up inevitably stuck by my own disparaging narrative. That is a dead road. 

 “What is wrong with me” is always a messed-up question to start with. The right question is: “What can I do to show kindness here?”

So, I shall start again, picking up the pieces of my scattered “self-worth” all over the places, and let my heart speak instead - from its undefeatable place of kindness: 

I am HERE. Everything is OK. There is _nothing_ wrong with you. I LOVE you. You can relax. Take a deep breath. Fill yourself with light. And allow yourself to shine.

Remember this: 

Each challenge is a chance to practice (the power of) kindness - and become stronger with it. There is no exception to this. Because being kind is _always_ the most powerful response. And it comes with a “perk”: it is highly “catching” for those you deal with as well. 

So, always try to be kind. Even (and especially!) in the most challenging situations. And brace yourself to be surprised.