The Elasticity of Time

One of my favorite persons in the world - and (by far) the best manager I was ever lucky to have, (in fact, the one and only manager who would actually qualify in this rare category!) was also the very first - Fresh from my law studies, my first professional exposure was as an intern at the department of legal affairs of the European Parliament, in Brussels. And that’s where I met this wonderful and very wise Englishman: My supervisor.

It was he, who taught me, among many other valuable things, about the “elasticity” of time. The theory goes that:

Any given task would automatically and fully extend to the amount of time available.

Take the example of a retired person, all alone at home, who has a postcard to write to a dear friend. That simple task, given enough options and consideration (starting from the type of postcard, the image selected, the “right” words, the salutation…), could easily take hours. 

Now imagine a very busy person, like a single mum, working multiple jobs. The same task would probably take a couple of minutes. Both can be truly thoughtful acts, done with the best of intentions - But the single mum would take only a tiny fraction of the time “needed” by the retiree. Why? 

Because the more time you are given, the more likely it is that you will take more time for all possible options and choices available. After all, what is the hurry?

The biggest irony here is that, on the receiving side, it will hardly make a difference whether you took half a day or half an hour to write that postcard. The level of “gratification” is not directly proportional to the time invested in the task. More often than not, it is the thought behind the act that counts most. In fact, in our ever-busy times, “Less is More” - And a long message is often going to be received with an equally long sigh.

What shall we make out of this? Well, there is nothing “wrong” about taking time to complete a task per se. Who says we shall be perpetually running around like crazy monkeys to do everything? 

There must be a good reason, we are called “human beings” - Not “human doers”.

The way I see it, as long as the task is “fulfilling” enough for you, and as long as you are not neglecting something - or somebody - more valuable (including your own time to simply rest and relax), there is no reason to hurry. 

Awareness beats “Efficiency” any time!

However, the reality is that, more often than not, we are taking more time not out of our own leisurely pleasure, but out of procrastination. 

One of our most glorified “sins” is Perfectionism.

The understated truth is: 

It is tempting to use “further inputs”, or the need for “improvements”, as an excuse to keep things “unfinished” - Because as long as a task is still “under review”, there is no tangible “end result” that can be criticized. 

In fact, the more personally “invested” in a particular task you are, the harder it is to let go - A thing that Ph.D. students working years on their final doctoral dissertation, or writers facing the incumbent publication of their book, know well. I can attest to both from my first-hand experience. 

And I can tell you this for sure: Yes, wanting to do a good job, and being committed to doing your best, is commendable. But! Everything is subjective and perfection is an ever-fleeting, and much overestimated goal anyway. 

In the end, acting on what we have, is better than planning on what we “might”.

In fact, we are often much harsher on our own work than anybody else - Because, except for us, nobody is so invested in it to be able to appreciate all the possible details. Frankly speaking: 

Others are generally happier to have something usable “just when they need it”, over something “perfect”, but late.

Life itself has evolved from the art of “compromise”, and constant adaptation - Because without evolution, there is stagnation.

In fact, whatever you do, you are never going to have _everything_ “under control”. Being “adaptable” and open to change is the key. And the more you stiffen your grip and try to “micro-manage” each detail of the way, the more you are going to feel drained and, eventually, give up in exasperation.

I know this because I have gained a “badge of honor” over trying to be on top of _all_ the steps of the way - Even those, on which admittedly _nobody_ will ever thread, including myself - Because the way often takes a course of its own.

There is an amusing saying that:

Men plan - and Gods laugh.

Well, it is only amusing if you are not the “man” in question, or if you are a “god”. Seeing your own hard-labored “straight” plans being twisted like a Pretzel can be an excruciating experience. And still, we keep on enacting it again and again. 

In fact, all our “good” plans appear perfectly “logical” at the time we make them - Painstakingly weighing all the pros and cons, and then going for the “most sensible” option - Except that life always has a different “twist” in store than what we had expected. And life always wins.

I can throw plenty of such always unaccounted and at times very probing “twists” here from my own experience:

• Me telling my husband how we need to be responsible and invest our saving, because you know “doing nothing” always means losing one way or another, alone by inflation! So we acted “responsibly” and invested our money in the bank - That was before all hell broke loose with a senseless war at our own doorsteps in Europe, where - with the gone peace - the whole global economy took a plumb. We would have realized fewer losses doing, well, absolutely nothing - As we were before my “good intentions” summoned me to act. Afterward, I wondered why that evening, instead of diversifying our “investments” with my husband, I could not have gone out for a stroll or, simply, sleep earlier and forget all about any well-meant plans.

But quite often indeed those “twists” meant a turn for the better as well:

• My husband and I walking out of a fertility clinic deciding _not_ to undertake any artificial intervention, and let nature take its course instead, “knowing” that, based on our given slim chances of ever getting a baby naturally, our choice meant that for us it would probably never happen. Well, just as we “gave up” on the whole baby dream and we were ready to “settle” for a baby-free existence, I got the biggest surprise of all. I was already three months pregnant when I learned by a simple routine check at my gynecologist to be expecting the “impossible”: a baby!

Life itself thrives based on those “twists”, allowing us to fare much better than if we would be held by rigid, unshakable, and impossibly high standards:

• I remember my ingenuity when, as a teenager, I was always mystified when observing my dad at work - always following a fluid schedule, changing plans, and perpetually improvising. Coming from the tidy and relatively sheltered world of a private school run by nuns, where discipline and order seemed to reign sovereign, I could not understand how such a “messy” business could even exist, let alone thrive, as it was. It was only many, many years later that I learned the truth: chaos, not order, rules the world. And that, for those who can recognize and seize their chance: 

Where nothing is certain, everything is possible.

In fact, the world as a whole seems to function at its best with such “imperfections” and “twists” - Not much unlike our own brain (as we saw in Rule 24 of Book ONE), it operates “efficiently”, rather than “accurately”. 

Why? Well, because the details do not matter as much as the “big picture”. After all, what counts most is the end result, rather than how one gets there - Unless you are a “painfully bad manager” - or hopelessly afflicted by “compulsive micromanagement”.

This brings us to the last (and most excruciating!) category of “twists” that one might face: those that not only take us out of our own “set course”, but actually “backfire” at it - And the more so, the harder we were ingenuously trying to keep everything “under control”.

Wiggling free from the crumbling illusion of keeping “everything under control”

Unfortunately, I stumble in this last category much more often than I care to admit - Most people do it without _ever_ admitting it, not even to themselves. Is way easier to catch others than ourselves here. So, I shall take “one for the team” here by volunteering some epic “backfiring twists” of my own.

• Here comes my first from my “hall of fame”: I managed to be “blacklisted” from a surf camp because my “constructive feedback” was too much for them - Funnily enough, I learned this by chance when speaking to a befriended surf guide who had left the place to eventually run his own business, because he found the owner there too bossy and easy to take offense. Well, you don’t say? Apparently, I was in “good company” as there was a whole account of “blacklisted” guests, for such “offenses” as speaking up out of turn - Instead of simply taking the “free coconut” that was (truly!) offered as a “reward” (or “tropical bribe”?) to all who would give the surf camp five stars in their reviews. What thirsty people do for a coconut, right?
• I managed to become “famous” within the department processing German nationality’s foreign applications, because of some of my objecting / clarificatory questions to their procedure. Bear in mind that, while the Germans are best known for their impeccable organizations, that quality seems to have evaded the department in question completely. It looked like, they want to “test” your true willingness to become a German national by first “torturing” you with all sorts of senseless rules and loophole-communication - and maybe see who notices it and complains, as a “true German” would? Well, I took that test too seriously apparently. I must have “overwhelmed” them with my questions because my procedure seemed to take forever. On the upside, the day I (finally!) showed up for the in-person examination, I was “rushed” through the queue of people already there by a bemused officer coming to greet me “by name”. It went something like this: “Are you Dr. Armillotta? Please, follow me. My colleagues are already waiting to meet you”. In the end, we all merrily shook hands and I left with a German passport in mine, celebrating my first day as both German and Italian from now on. But that was a “close miss”.

My list could go on and on here, but I shall retain some “dignity”, so I shall cut it short for both yours and my sake. In the end, remember:

Life is learning by doing.
Ultimately, you are not defined by why you fall, but by how you land.

So, each time I catch myself “lawyering up” - As my husband likes to say when he sees me stocking up my “argumentative ammunitions” - I try to take a step back and remind myself:

Start with the End in mind.

And in the end, nobody likes to be overburdened. Because the details are easily forgotten - It is the impression that lasts - With one paradigm always holding true:

Less is more.